The 10 Friends You Can’t Stand (but keep around anyway)

1. The Clinger- A Stage 5 Clinger is usually associated with a member of the opposite sex in a dating situation, but ever had a friend that seemed to have zero life of their own? You know this friend, they ask you what you’re up to...every day. At least in a dating situation, you can usually get a free dinner (or sex, for you low standard males). On the plus side, for those occasions where you are in desperate need of a sidekick, they are ALWAYS available.
2. The Spoiled Brat- I can’t even figure out how these people function on this planet. If you are over the age of 12 and you still call your father, “daddy”, you may be (definitely are) a spoiled brat. Unless your daddy has invited me on your next family vacation, I don’t care. Sidenote: I will take back everything I said to go on that vacation.
3. The Hot One- This one can only get worse if they’re also really nice. Fortunately, most hot people are total dickbags. There is almost no upside to having a friend like this.
4. The “One Upper”- The “One Upper” is someone you’ve met thousands of times in your life. On the playground, they had a better toy. In college, they had a hotter boyfriend. And in the workplace, they make more money. Try this: Tell your friend you have a curable STD (Chlamydia, perhaps). They will try to One Up you by getting HIV. That’ll teach ‘em.
5. The Sloppy Drunk- Stop throwing up on me. 
6. The Bad Tipper- This is the guy you NEVER want to split a check with. This one will justify putting in $20 less because they only ordered a water. What a dick. 
7. The Sensitive One- I don’t know about you guys, but when my friends ask for my opinion on their outfits, and they look horrible, I tell them. Stop crying, you’re embarrassing me.
8. The Complainer- Nothing is ever good enough for this friend. “There are no hot people at this bar”, “It smells like vomit in here”, “I just got raped”. OKAY, we get it. Do you really need to be yapping constantly?! 
9. The Successful One- Double asshole points if your successful friend is also a one upper. Look, if I wanted to feel badly about myself, I would watch the Victoria’s Secret Runway show on repeat. Plus side: Since your friend is so successful, you can guilt trip them into spotting you money for dinner.
10. The Information Overloader- I love some good dirt as much as the next girl, but I could be spared on some details. When talking about hookups, please leave out details about: smells & noises. Also, when talking about poop: ...wait. No. Just stop talking about poop.