"What would you do differently if you woke up tomorrow as a member of the opposite sex?"

It's 8:10 am and this is the fifth time I've hit the snooze button.
"I've got time," I think to myself, "5 more minutes." I don't want to
go to work today, I'd rather stay in bed in my snoopy boxers,
scratching myself, drinking beer and looking at porn. It's pay day and
that's the only thing that motivates me to get out of bed. I jump into
the shower to wash my hair and shave. "Damnit!" I yell. I knicked my
face with the razor, I hate when that happens. Once I get out of the
shower, I head back to my room to get dressed. I throw on a pair of
nice slacks and a polo, it's casual Friday. I love casual Friday.

I'm out of the house by 8:30, and need to be at work at 9. I think
I'll stop at McDonalds for breakfast. Yeah, it's bad for me, but at
least I don't have to watch my figure. "I'll have 2 McGriddles, 2 hash
browns, and a large Diet Coke!" The girl at the window is cute, I
wonder what she's doing later tonight. Ah forget it, what am I
thinking? She works at McDonalds!

I finally get to work, thank god I have a secretary. She's been here
since 7:30 answering phones and filing paperwork, something I wouldn't
wanna do. My boss comes in at 11 and invites me to lunch. Gotta love a
free meal! At lunch I have the filet mignon, he says he'd like me to
join him at the corporate golf outing on Saturday. I think I'm getting
a promotion, I can feel it. We light up a cigar and get back to the
office around 12:45.

Later on, I go to payroll to pick up my paycheck. I love the feeling
of all that money in my hands and I love getting paid more to do the
same job as a woman. That just proves that men are better. In
celebration of pay day, I think I'm gonna take that girl out tonight,
what's her name again? Blonde hair, big boobs, she seems easy.
Tiffany. Yeah, that's it, Tiffany. I call her up and tell her to look
hot tonight, we're going out. She sounds excited.

As soon as I get home from work, I strip down into my boxers, turn on
the game, and grab a beer. I lay on the couch with my hand down my
pants for a good hour before I need to shower for dinner. I pick up
Tits McGee, I mean Tiffany, at 8 o'clock and we head to a spot I know
of. It's a small place with a romantic atmosphere. Hopefully after
dinner, she'll be feeling romantic too. She only orders a salad, but I
make sure that her drinks keep coming.

I, of course, pick up the tab, but she owes me. I take her back to my
place for dessert. I start to kiss her when she stops me, "I like you
a lot and I don't want to rush into anything" she says. Who the hell
does she think she is? Wearing THAT dress and turning me down? What a
tease. "I don't feel well," I tell her, "I'll call you a cab". She
looks pissed but I don't care, there are plenty of other T's in my
little black book and my bed is not big enough for all of her
emotional baggage. "I'll call you" I tell her, but we both know I
never will."

I Got Rejected by eHarmony

Like any normal American, I spent most of today watching marathons of Family Feud on the Game Show Network. But it wasn't until Jerry Springer's new dating show, "Baggage" came on that I remembered the time I was rejected by eHarmony.


::Jumps in time machine to travel back to 2005::

It was the fall of 2005 and I was living in a house with 4 other girls. One of my roommates had just started an eHarmony account and was always getting emails and date propositions. Curious and hungry for a free meal, I thought, "Hey! I've got a splendid idea, I'll join eHarmony too!" (To be honest, it was probably when I was drunk). So I got out my laptop and started typing. Once I got past the "Find my Matches" page that tells you to enter your name and age, I thought I was well on my way. But no. I was hit by a chastity belt of questions, 45 minutes worth of surveys. Questions about my personality, activity levels, things I find important in a match, etc. I'm fairly certain the only reason I even finished the goddamn survey is because I was drunk. 

So here we are, 45 minutes later. I am STOKED that I finished the survey and I'm ready to see my matches. I clicked continue and was greeted by this:

You can imagine my disappointment. Not because I wouldn't be going on an interweb date, but because I had wasted 45 minutes of precious drinking time. But wait, eHarmony, you elitist prick. What do you MEAN you can't match me? I am extremely easy to get along with, I am entertained by everything, and I place little importance on a potential boyfriend's income. 

AND WHO WOULDN'T WANT TO DATE THIS?

What I later realized, and what they don't mention in their marketing, was that eHarmony has some pretty intense religious standards...and I am the child of Satan. 

Now for those of you who are still wondering what "Baggage" is, let me give you the quick run down via Wikipedia: 

"Similar to The Dating Game, Baggage gives three contestants the chance to win the eye of a prospective date. The contestants carry three suitcases onstage, a small, medium, and large one. Each suitcase contains an embarrassing, unique, or weird proposition the contestant may have; for example, bad habits (e.g. "I share a bed with my grandmother"), strange relationship preferences ("My partner must dress up as Santa Claus"), issues with one's past ("I'm an outlaw in Mexico"), and strange hobbies ("I play video games 30 hours a week"). These cases will represent the "baggage" to which they will confess and defend. The bigger the suitcase, the bigger the secret or "baggage" is. Once the three contestants are pared down to one, the potential dater must admit to a fault of his or her own."

Riveting stuff, huh? Let's keep this moving. 

So the second round of baggage is revealed without the Picker knowing WHOSE baggage it is. In
today's episode, one of the contestants' suitcases revealed that she was rejected by an online dating site.

Now, the other two contestants secrets were:

1. I own over 50 knives

2. I plan the wedding after the first date.

Guess who got eliminated?! The girl who was rejected by an online dating site.

WTF?! 

I feel your pain, girl. 

eHarmony will forever be on my shit list, but I guess it was foreshadowing because...

I'm Still Single.

If Mark Zuckerberg Could Talk...

In anticipation of the roll out of the new Timeline format for all Facebook users, here’s what I think Mark Zuckerberg would tell the haters:

Dear Facebook Minions,

With a major change right around the corner, I figured I would reach out to share a few thoughts and address a few concerns. While I think it’s extremely important that you think I care about what you think, I also want you to know that there is a reason I created this site and you didn’t: I am way smarter than you.

First thing’s first: 

Your participation here is voluntary

Over 800 million people in the world CHOOSE to use this website, for FREE, might I add. Ever run into a homeless guy begging for money, so you give him food, and he gets mad? What an asshole, right? THAT’S YOU. Stop complaining about things that are free. Here’s another example: 

Child in 3rd World Country: “My brother was eaten by a lion today”

You: “Mother fucker, I hate Facebook! This Timeline thing is confusing!”

See? You’re an asshole. Quit it. 

You’re Not That Interesting

One of the biggest “concerns” about the new Timeline feature is that it makes “stalking” easier. Few things to address here: 

1. You know it’s not stalking when Person 1 (You) voluntarily puts information on a public forum (the interwebs) and person 2 (your friend) reads it, right? 
2. This one may sting a little bit, but, NO ONE GIVES A FUCK ABOUT YOUR LIFE. Now I want you to think about this one for a little bit and then slap yourself in the face. You are not that important, and the thought that the introduction of Timeline is going to make all of your Facebook friends start STALKING you is ludicrous. 

Leave the Website Building to Me

I’d love to hear your thoughts about how the website could be improved if:

1. You’ve ever built a website that ramped up to 800 million users in 6 years
2. You are Tom from Myspace

And to close, I’d like to share a few ideas that we have bouncing around the office here as Possible Future Improvements

...SIKE! You think I’d really tell you those? I care zero percent about what you think.

Please Go Die in a Fire,

The Zucks

PS- I’m rich, bitch!

I Got Raped...on Facebook.

I was recently reminded of an old classmate, whom I deleted from my Facebook a LONG time ago. But before I deleted him, he continually sexually harassed me via Facebook Chat. I saved the conversations to send to his friends to let them know how pathetic he was and now I will share them with the world. Dear guys, this is how NOT to get a girl to sleep with you:

Convo #1
9:44 Michael: Heyyyy 10:30 Kelly: hi M: So random but I had the craziest dream about you K: cool 11:10 M:Sorry for anommyying you K: ? M: Well you didn't seem interested in my dream K: Cause it's a dream about sex and I've told you a million times I'm not interested in having these convos M: So you wouldn't be interested in me bending you over and fucking you from behind? K: nope not interested M: Do you even like sex? K: nope M: I bet you wouldn't believe how crazy my dream was. I'm just sick of girls being all tough and when it comes down to it there all talk. I just want to know if your kinky like me.

K: I don't care. I told you I'm not interested in having this conversation and you clearly don't respect that. Disrespect is NOT something I look for in a guy, so no, I am still not interested.

M: ok ok Kelly I respect you

K: You've made it clear that all you're interested in is fucking me, I don't want any part of that, but yet that's all you ever talk about. That's not respect.

M: No that's not all. You have an awesome personality, your really smart and funny.

K:

ok now you're just trying to say things that you think I want to hear 12:21 M: besides the fact that you have the most ridiculous body! K: we don't have conversations about anything other than your "kinkiness" and I always say not interested so how could you possibly think I have a good personality M: because your strong willed and have a spine K: but yet you continue to push after I say no a thousand times? Thats disrespect...and I don't look for that in a guy M: only because it builds up the dream i had about first seeing u and coming over to my apt K: you're doing it again stop I am not going to "give in" M: ahh i wish u understood K: I really don't care to understand and you have a girlfriend which is super slimey of you to be having conversations like this with other girls and you'll deny the gf thing again M: omg fine u obviously dont believe anything i say K: why should I? M: why would i lie!? K: Cause you're a guy and you want to fuck me? Duh M: first of all thats not all and second why do u act like getting fucked by me is a bad thing? K: Cause I'm NOT INTERESTED If I wanna have sex it's NOT THAT HARD M: well im not some slut i dont just fuck anyone K: oh gosh I feel so special you really know how to sweet talk a girl M: i would bet you anything in the world that i would fuck you like no other K: not interested in getting fucked it would probably really fuck your girlfriend too M: ahh your so frustrating do you not like sex? K: HA! I am? you should try having a conversation with you I do not or will not like having sex with you. And I do not like green eggs and ham M: if you came over in a dress and heels you def would not be able to handle me K: I would never come over in a dress and heels so don't worry K: You're like a text rapist, I keep saying stop and you keep pushing M: ! thats so mean K: no, it's mean to keep persisting to have a conversation with someone when they have expressed that they are uninterested and uncomfortable by it you will never persuade me into it, so I don't know why you try M: fine u win K: Oh good, I wasn't aware this was a game M: and thats only cause you dont want to hear me talk about my dream cause i know it would turn you on K: SERIOUSLY? again? do you really just not get it? what kind of girls are you used to dealing with? does that work? M: i was just making a comment to your statment K: you keep baiting hoping that I'll bite and ask you what your dream was about I don't care. It was a dream. Not real life M: well to tell u the truth i have yet to deal with girls who are as fun as me well i could make it real life but you made it clear your not interested K: oh yeah, fun would definitely be the first adjective I would choose to describe you well at least you're accepting that now

Convo #2

Michael

hey

Today

12:53amMichael

hey

4:27amMichael

going to be in chu soon

chi

4:28amMe

?

4:28amMichael

chicago

4:29amMe

what about it

4:29amMichael

we should hang out

4:29amMe

i dont live in chicago

4:29amMichael

?

ah that sucks

4:29amMe

I haven't lived there in 6 years

4:30amMichael

where do u live?

4:30amMe

california

you have the worst memory in the world

4:31amMichael

well thats only bc we havent made memories yet

4:31amMe

not going to

4:31amMichael

why so sure

4:34amMichael

i guess nm

4:36amMichael

r u single?

4:37amMe

no and i've told you a billion times i'm not interested in whatever "ideas" you have. So, maybe try your girlfriend instead

4:38amMichael

i dont have a gf

4:38amMe

haha

right

i don't know why you keep trying

im not interested

4:39amMichael

fine

4:41amMichael

i could make you get off if i tried

4:41amMe

creepy

i guess you won't mind if I send this convo to Sarah then?

4:42amMichael

u have the worst perception of me

4:44amMichael

r u not into sex?

4:44amMe

you are fucking obnoxious

4:45amMichael

its just a question

4:45amMe

yeah a question I'm tired of getting from you. You always IM me with the same crap and I always tell you I am not interested.

4:46amMichael

dont i at least get a chance

4:47amMe

no

4:48amMichael

how bout ill never talk to you again if you just hear me out

4:49amMe

pretty sure I already fell for this proposition before and here you are, initiating the same conversation again. Shocking.

4:50amMichael

i bet we have a lot in common

4:50amMe

Doubt it, I'm not a moron 

Michael

I wish u werent so mean

Me

Just like I wish you wouldn't IM me with this shit constantly

4:53amMichael

well it wouldnt be if you just opened up for once

im very curious

4:54amMe

I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE CURIOUS, I'm not. I'm not interested in ever hooking up with you.

Michael

sorry to bother u wont ever again

My Brother Is Almost a Millionaire

So my brother likes to play along with all those scammers that send emails asking for URGENT ASSISTANCE in receiving funds (like 12 million dollar funds) and I think the email interactions are hilarious. Bold writing is Scott. I know it's long, but it's very worth it. Enjoy.

EMAIL EXCHANGE #1 

Hi Alfred,

Roger said to contact you to get my check. What do I need to do?

Thanks,

 Scott

---------------

Dear sir,

Good morning, I received instruction from my boss that you will be contacting me regarding your cheque of us$1.2 million he dropped for me.As it stands now, How do you intend to receive the cheque?.Can you come to Benin to pick it up?.

In other words, i can mail the cheque to you by courier but you have to bear the cost of delivery.If this option is acceptable by you then i will go and verify the cost of delivery.Meanwhile, send your phone number.

Get back to me to tell me your decision on how to get the money and i will make sure that you receive it as instructed by my boss.

Thanks

Alfred.

----------------

Perfect!  My business partner is in Cotonou right now!  He will pick the check up directly -- just give me your address.

-----------------

Dear sir,

I am not ready to give it to anybody than you for security reasons.You better come and pick it by your self.

Thanks

Alfred.

----------------

Sounds good. I'm booking a ticket as we speak. I've always wanted to see Africa!  I could never afford it before, but now money is no object!  Where do I meet you?

----------------

Dear sir,

All you needed to do is to send your flight schedule to enable me know exactly your arrival date and time so i can pick you at the airport.Send your private telephone number when replying this email.

Thanks

Alfred.

--------------

Wonderful!  Can you please put together an itinerary for me from Los Angeles to your airport?  You would know that stuff better than I would.  I can leave any day after Friday.

Also, what's the weather like right now?  Can I get away with shorts?  If so, I can just pack a carry-on.  I hate checking my bags because then you have to wait forever at the baggage claim, you know?

Thanks!

Scott

----------------

Dear sir,

Our weather is okay.Send your private telephone number and a copy of your international passport.

Thanks

Alfred.

----------------

Al,

My passport photo is a little bit embarrassing as it was taken when I had gained a little bit of weight. My ex had just dumped me and I really let myself go.  Now I have a trainer, which really helps me stay in the gym. But at the time I couldn't afford it because I was between jobs. By the way, it wasn't my fault that I got fired from my job at the time. My boss was a total asshole and I think he was threatened by the fact that I was much younger than him but my career was advancing much faster than his. Anyway, that is neither here nor there. Point is, I'm embarrassed to send my passport because of my photo. Would you accept a copy of my Blockbuster Video card?  It was taken at a time where I felt much better about my physique. Please don't forget to book my flights for me. It's shorts, shorts, shorts for me!! Yipee!!!!

Scott

ps Are there vuvuzelas available for purchase in your country or shall I bring my own?

--------------------

Dear sir,

I am not in possition to book flight for you rather your self.Further more, I cannot accept any other picture of yours than ID or international passport copy.

Thanks

Alfred.

---------------

Ok, you don't need to book my flight.  Just figure out the itinerary that makes the most sense and then I'll book it myself.  Roger made it clear that you would assist me in any way necessary, so I thank you for the help in advance.  Just remind me, why do you need my passport?  I don't like to give it out to just anyone, as I'm sure you understand.

----------------

Dear sir,

I need your passport to ensure that am talking with Scott.In other words, i will assist you as instructed by my boss but i cannot book flight for you becuase it is your duty.You can send the courier mailing fee so i can mail the cheque to you by courier if you don't want to come to Benin to pick it up.

Thanks

Alfred.

--------------

Dear sir,

The courier company say that is us$90.00 only, i will go there again to get the information on how you can send the money on your readiness to send it.

Thanks

Alfred.

--------------

Alfred,

I sincerely appreciate your help in this transaction.  I know there are a lot of people out there who prey upon the innocent and do bad deeds, so it's refreshing to deal with someone so kind hearted and worried about doing the right thing and helping people.  Therefore, seeing as I am about to come into a LOT of money, I have wired $10,000 US to The Bank of Africa in your name.  Think of this money as a thank you for all of your help.  The bank officer told me all you need to do is show up with your identification (I put it under Alfred Kim) at the following location, and they will give you the cash:

Bank of Africa - Benin

Av. Jean Paul II

08 BP 0879

Cotonou

Benin

Tel:

229 31-3228

URL:

http://www.bkofafrica.net/

 Please give the courier whatever fee is necessary out of that payment, and let me know how I get my money delivered.

Thanks again for everything Alfred.  You are a good man and God will smile upon you in heaven!

Scott

-------------

Dear sir,

Thank you very much for your generous.I went to the bank of Africa they made it clear to me that there is no much amount on my name.

Thanks

Alfred.

--------------

Are you sure you went to the address I gave you?  I talked to the branch manager who said that the deposit is there and that no one has come to retrieve it.  Who did you speak to?

---------------

Dear sir,

Please stop deceiving your self.either you come to Benin to pick up the cheque or you send the courier mailing fee that is all.

Alfred.

------------

I am starting to doubt whether you are trustworthy.  You told me you went to the bank and then I found out from the branch manager that you did not and you were clearly lying.  Why should I trust you with my information when you won't even accept my generous gift of $10,000?  I'm afraid I may have to contact Roger directly and tell him that you haven't been willing to help me as he promised.

-----------------

Dear sir,

The bank made it clear to me that you did not sent any money.

Alfred.

-----------

I'm coming to Australia to hunt you down and I won't rest until I have my money.

You've made a huge mistake.

-----------

 You are joking.

 ----------

 Al,

I haven't heard from you in a while, but my men tell me you lead a pretty boring life.  Apparently you have a very meager lifestyle, and their assessment is that there is no money.  Is this correct?  If not, I'm sending one of them to have a talk with you.

Scott

 ----------

 Dear sir,

I refused to contact you becuase your last email was totally embarrased to me.The cheque is real but i think you are not serious to receive the money.

Alfred.

 -----------

 Alf,

 You should be embarrassed!  If you are for real, then why can't you tell me the name of the person you contacted at the bank when I sent you the money?  Can't you understand why you seems suspicious to me when you can't answer that very simple question?  If this is real and you want to get it done, start acting like a professional and answer my questions truthfully.

 Scott

 -------------

 Dear sir,

I suggest that you better come to Benin to pick the cheque.

Alfred. 

------------

 OK, what's your address?  I'll be there within a week.  And I won't leave without my money.

 --------

 Dear sir,

It is probably better that you do not come here after all.  There may have been some misunderstand as to my offer, and I do not wish problems to transpire.  Good luck to you in your future endeavor.

Alfred.

EMAIL EXCHANGE #2

Hello, 

I know this mail is coming to you as a surprise, but accept it because am in a very difficult situation and I need your urgent assistance, My Name is Victor Bestman. As you receive this mail I pray that God will use you to help I and my sister out of this problem. 

I have two consignment boxes containing (US$12.000.000.00) Twelve million at the International Airport in Belgium as am writing this email to you now, this money was left for I and my only sister by our late parents during the war in my country my late father deposited the consignment in a trust Company in Ghana. I made an arrangement with a diplomat in Ghana to deliver the boxes to Mr. Jan kohl who promised to assist us to receive the boxes in his country Belgium, but since the arrival of the Diplomat in Belgium he make all efforts to contact Mr. Jan, up till now Mr. Jan Kohl can’t been find. 

At this moment the diplomat are still waiting for me to let him know who he will deliver the consignment boxes to now, mind you the diplomat and the trust Company in Ghana don’t know the content of the consignment they only knew is family treasure for security purpose. 

Before we heard an information that Mr. Jan Kohl has a car accident on is way to London where he went for business transaction which cause to is died. That is why am contacting you for help now, and receive the boxes for I and my sister then you will also send us some money to come over to your country, after you take the delivery of the boxes. 

We are ready to offer you, percentage for your assistance of receiving the consignment boxes from the diplomat then you will have 30% out of the total fund and also invest our 55% in the name of I and my sister in any good business that you understand there in your country, 10% will be kept for me and my sister for our up keeping 5% will been use for any expense that may be marked so far. Please we are not self here in camp. 

Once you have accepted to assist me and my sister, then we will send you the contact of the Diplomat in Belgium so that you can discuss with him on how to receive the consignment boxes to you immediately.

I will send you the Certificate of Deposit which my late parent used to deposited the consignment boxes with the trust company in Ghana. 

I expect your urgent reply to relief me of the pains we going through now.

Thank you very much in anticipation of you reply. 

Sincerely,

Victor Bestman.

--------

Thank you. Yes, please send me 12,000,000.

Look forward to it,

Scott

------------

Hello Scott,

Thanks for your urgent respond and welling to assets I and my sister. All you have to do is for you to meet with the diplomat in International Airport in Belgium so that you can be able to receive the boxes, because the boxes are with the diplomat there in Belgium and I can not tell the diplomat that the boxes with him contain money mind you the diplomat and the trust Company in Ghana don’t know the content of the consignment they only knew is family treasure for security purpose.

We have use all the money is with us as we know that in two or three days Mr. Jan kohl will take delivering of the boxes and send us money, as am sending you this mail to feed is a problem for us now, that is why is stated in my mail that you are our last hope, I just hope that God will torch you to go to Belgium and take delivering of this boxes so that you send us some money on time we beg before we can feed now  it is very difficult.

  Sir with all due respect kindly send your phone number house and office address your ID some thing like driving lances or passport.

  After you have done this I will give you all information on how you will take delivering of the boxes

We hope to hear from you soon

Thanks

Victor Bestman

--------

If the diplomat can meet me at Los Angeles International Airport that would be better for me.

Thanks,

Scott

-------

Hello Scott,

Many thanks for your urgent respond and welling to assets I and my sister. Sir we understand what you mean but we will like you to assist us so that you can receive the boxes from the diplomat in Belgium, because I and my sister think about your mail though out the night that you are the person that God sent to help us out from this problem.

Sir with all due respect kindly send your phone number house and office address your ID some thing like driving lances or passport.

 After you have done this I will give you all information on how you will take delivering of the boxes  

 we hope to hear from you soon

sincerely

victor Bestman

---------------

I'm not a huge fan of Belgium. Let's pick another airport. How about New York?

Best,

Scott

--------------

Dear Scott

Many thanks for your email, I am already in a discussion with the diplomat to deliver the boxes to you in America, and he told me to give him one day to see if it will be possible and when they can do the delivering  

By tomorrow we will hear answer from him, and I will up date you I will be very happy if this can happened, we are surfing seriously hear in Ghana

Thanks   

Victor 

----------------

That's awesome that you guys are surfing. I've always wanted to learn, especially living so near the ocean!

Talk to you soon...

Scott

---------------

Dear Scott

kindly sent you cell phone number the diplomat will call you today and all so your personal information's your address your ID for my personal keep as some one that is taking delivering of money 

hope to hear from you soon 

thank you 

Victor  

------------------

Vic,

Unfortunately because of my disability (I am deaf) I cannot speak on the phone.  Feel free to give him my email address and we can coordinate that way.

Best,

Scott

-------------

Dear Scott

thanks for you mail,so sorry for your disability  but don't be too worry about that God knows why okay

i will give you email to the diplomat, but you have not sent your address and ID to pls do that for me  .

thanks 

Victor 

------------------

I'm not really good with computers.  I don't know how to get my ID into the computer.  I tried putting it in but my neighbor said it was the DVD drive and now it is stuck in there.  Any ideas on how to get it out?  I'm so embarrassed!!

Scott

------------

Dear Scott

So sorry for you putting your ID in DVD drive look for some one that knows how to do to take of your ID from the DVD drive, what you have to do now is this send your address and your ID No only, the diplomat need something for identification, I believe he can use this information to work for us 

I am attaching our passport to you as the diplomat will ask of the passport before he delivers to you. Hope to hear from you soon

Thanks 

Victor

------------

Victor

Sorry, I have been busy getting my computer repaired.  I have opened a new PO box at the post office like you asked.   Will the diplomat be able to come to Los Angeles?  I thank God for your contacting me. Things have been so terrible for me.  I have no money and people always pick on me because of my disability.  God will see what you are doing to help me and you will we rewarded in the afterlife.

Thank you for being a good person in a world of bad people!

----------------

Dear Gilbert

I have a discussion with the diplomat on the issues of delivering of the boxes to you in America as you will not be able to travel to Belgium and take the delivering,

The diplomat will deliver the 2 boxes to you in your house in America, but will need to pay for the cost of t diplomatic carrier that transport the 2 boxes from Accra Ghanato Belgium that is US$2,400.00, before diplomatic Carrie will now carrier the 2boxes with there diplomatic courier carrier transport the 2boxes from Belgium to America and deliver the 3 boxes to you in your house.You will then pay them the Sun of US$6, 500 .00 that is cost to move the boxes from Belgium to America, you will pay this money after the boxes are deliver to you in your house, so you can take money from the boxes to pay the diplomat the cost from Belgium to America .

I have gave your contact to the diplomat he will contact you and confirm your data for delivering. But Mind you the diplomat and the trust Company in Ghana don’t know the content of the consignment boxes  they only knew is family treasure for security purpose .so you must not let the diplomat to know that the contain  of the boxes are money OKAY.

One the you and the diplomat discuss and take a date for delivering I will sent you the key Cody number to open the 1 of the boxes so that you pay from the boxes and sent some money to us to gate our visa and come over to meet you,  

  After the t boxes are deliver to you, you will need to give us invitation later that we will use to get our  visa .

Do up date me what ever discussion you have with the diplomat

Yours truly,

Victor   

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Dear Victor,

Who's Gilbert??  Now I'm afraid that you've decided to give the money to someone else!  Did I do something to anger you?  I assure you I'm quite trustworthy!

I confess I've already purchased a new Bentley with the promise of the money you are sending me.  If I do not get it I will not be able to pay this car loan back.  Please reconsider your decision and give me the money or I will be in a lot of trouble!!!!

Your faithful servant,

Scott

PS  When you arrive in America I would be happy to give you a ride in my Bentley.  It is quite breathtaking and even has an iPod interface if you want to bring yours!

Dear Scott

Ok forget about Gilbert, now you went in for a can when you have not received the boxes, tell me why did you do that and how much is the car? I know Bentley  is expensive car, any way let forget about that I know you don’t have any bad intention that is why you told me about it, when this boxes are deliver to you don’t spend more than your percentage of the money and you don’t need to spend too much money so that one will not stat asking where you get all this money from, because when I come over I for one will not want people to know that I have much money on me, so know how you spend money,

 The boxes will be deliver to you by the diplomat from Belgium I have gave your contact to the diplomat so he will contact you on your email I told him that all communication have to be only on email so always shec your mail any make sure you up date me with any email from the diplomat.

I wait to hear from you soon

 Thank

Victor 

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If Gilbert wants to buy the Bentley from me, I would be willing to sell it.  Low miles.  Like new.  I'll give him a great deal on it, just have him contact me.

Also, would you be interested in going in on a timeshare in Hawaii with me -- for when you get here?  We would get two weeks per year and we could split it, one week each.  Pool, tennis courts, the works.  Let me know because the guy said the deal isn't going to last.

I will respond to the diplomat now!

Scott

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Scott 

how are you today i hope you are fine, Scott tell me do you really want to work with me to calm the money or not i don't like how you talk, you know what i don't what money people to hear about this but the way you are going about it i don't understand or are we joking, this is my and my sister life hear we are talking about and you are taking it as if we are joking, 

i want to hear from you if your are ready to work with us or not  

thank you 

Victor

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Wow Victor. I must say, I am totally insulted by your email. I don't know how you were raised, but my daddy he raised me good. He taught me to be friendly and welcoming. Here I am trying to be a friend to you, trying to include you in my Hawaii timeshare, and you say I'm a joker?  I thought you would want to enjoy something relaxing once you arrive here after everything you an your sister have been through. 

But if you want to simply have a business relationship, that is fine. We do not have to be friends. I responded to the diplomat, but he never wrote back. Maybe he's the one you should be upset with. 

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Dear Scott

Am so sorry the way I talk to you in my email, it is very good to be friends before business, ones more am sorry, I hope you have forgive me?

I talk to the diplomat today and he told me that he has send you an email, about the cost to delver the boxes to you in your house and also the cost from Ghana to Belgium, that we must pay the cost of the transport from Ghana to Belgium that is US$3,500.00 that this money to be paid before the boxes will live Ghana embassy warehouse.

From the sate of this transaction this is what we where told the when they transport the boxes to Ghana embassy Belgium the cost must be pay on delivering, so now that we did not take the delivering we Belgium and we want the boxes deliver in America we have to pay that cost before they will deliver to you and the cost from Belgium to America will be paid on deliver in your hose.

At this moment we don’t have cash with us we spend almost all the money we have with us with the hope that as soon as the boxes get to Belgium Mr. Jan will take the delivering and sent us some money that same day before we heard that he has an accident.

Scott we don’t have the money you try and pay the diplomat that will not be pat of your percentage I will give you that money from my money.

I Hope to hear from you soon

Victor   am very sorry for everything i say to you in my

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It's OK, I forgive you.  I hope you will forgive my delay in responding as my mother was in a terrible kangaroo boxing accident and I have been taking care of her.  We now have a lot of medical bills and I don't have much money left.  What should I do about the diplomat asking for money?  Do you think we can convince him to let me pay him once I have the money here in America?

Scott

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 My Dear friend Scott,

I hope you are doing fine is your mother a boxer? Boxing accident how I hope she fine now.

Let come back to the boxes in Belgium after I read your mail I have a discussion with the diplomat and he told me of the money too and from all the discussion we have to pay that money he explained every thing why we have to pay the money before he deliver the boxes to you in your house in America.

Scott for me and my sister her we don’t have money with us we have spend almost all we have the very dad that the boxes where out of Africa with the hope that Mr. Jan who suppose to take the delivering before he hared an accident will sent us some money as soon as he take the delivering so this make us spend the money we where having on us then, so at this moment we don’t have money.

Scott you have to friend a way and pay the money to diplomat so that he can deliver the boxes to you so that you send us some money

Thanks

Victor

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Victor, 

I still haven't heard anything from the diplomat.  I hope nothing bad has happened to him!

Let me know, I am trying to find the money.  I think I have an idea but I want to see what you think.

Scott

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what is going on? please let me know

Victor.

----------------------

Dearest Victor,

I am so glad that you have remembered to check on me. Praise Allah!

I thought I had found the money necessary, however it seems my plan has fallen through. Now I am left with only one option, and I am not sure if it is acceptable. I thought I should ask your opinion. 

I sometimes work at an orphanage that helps kids with feline AIDS. We have just completed a fundraiser and we currently have almost $8000 in the account. Do you think I should steal the money to give to the diplomat?  I mean, I hate the HIV as much as the next guy, but I love money much more. This Bentley isn't going to pay for itself, amiright?

Anyway, what should I do?

I await your response on the wings of Jesus. 

Scott

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I lost my sister 28th Oct, and now as am writing you this message now her body is in the mortuary so anything that you think is good for you to do now please try and help me out. Because I don’t understand my self as for now, but if you can be able to go to Belgium and meet with the diplomat I think that will be good.

Thanks

Victor

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Glad you agree about defrauding those orphans.  I haven't heard from the diplomat lately.  Going to try emailing him again.  I hope your sister is feeling better!

Talk to you soon,

Scott

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She is died

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Ugh.  Sucks.

Does that mean you don't need the money anymore?